Steve Brewer

I was going through my garage recently and found a hidden bottle of red wine called “The Pessimist.”

If your first question is why I was hiding bottles of wine in my garage… well, that, my friend, is a different story that my wife could probably chime in on.

As I extracted the bottle from its hiding spot, I could only shake my head and chuckle. You see, for most, if not all, of my life, I have been a glass-half-empty kind of guy. I am known as a particularly tough critic in my household, though my primary target has always been myself. Perfectionism, harsh judgment on anything I do, internal name-calling; you name it, and the “Steve Brewer monkey mind” has probably thought it and said it.

Finding that bottle made me laugh because it immediately brought me back to a conversation I had with my wife just two days prior at the airport in KEF (Iceland). We were reflecting on our recent trip through Denmark and Iceland and giving it a score.

I scored the trip a 10 out of 10.

Completely unheard of. The old Steve Brewer never gave a 10.

Not too long ago, six weeks to this day, to be exact, I left my job. I was burned out, running on empty around 1:00 or 2:00 PM every single day. I had given my all to a role that wasn’t giving back to me, and it had taken a severe toll. I wanted to make a difference, but most days I felt like I was failing, letting down my organization, my team, and our customers.

Deep down, I knew I needed to step away. So finally, probably much too late, I did.

I stepped away with no other job lined up. No safety net of a new role with a steady paycheck and health insurance. Two kids in college (one at an expensive private school in DC). My wife without a steady income or health coverage. And nowhere near enough savings to retire (as nice as that would be!).

But that is only one layer of the story.

You see, the pessimistic Steve Brewer had been putting in work these last couple of years.  Steve Brewer versions 1.0 through 52.3 were all versions where the automatic, knee-jerk reaction to life was negative.

But somewhere around version 49 or 51, I realized that what I was doing simply wasn’t working anymore. There had to be a new way of being in the world.

I had known this intellectually for years. Back around version 39, I started consuming all the podcasts and books on overcoming anxiety, finding motivation, understanding that “you are not your job,” and accepting that external outcomes don’t define you. I had the head knowledge, but zero practical application. I still never gave 10 out of 10s. For anything.

The real shift didn’t happen through reading; it happened through application. Through the steady practice of meditation, journaling, and taking early morning sunrise and sunset walks, things began to move. Glimmers of hope started appearing. The critical inner voice wasn’t quite as loud. I began catching myself fully present in moments, realizing that being engaged in the right now is truly all there ever is.

The quiet engine behind all of this change has been gratitude. I am so very grateful now. For being alive. For the breath that comes without me thinking about. For the sun and the warmth and life it brings to this earth. For the challenges I get to stare in the eye today. For those in my life….the list can go on and on.

Even as these newer versions of Steve Brewer were evolving, work remained a challenge. I tried reframing my work as a way to support others, my teammates, our customers, to add small bits of value to their day. Reframing to focus on the job being a way to provide for my family. It was never enough and I am not sure why. I enjoyed the people I worked with and believed in the mission. Perhaps it is not for me to try to know or understand.

So, with the steadfast support of my wife and a newly acquired optimistic lens on life, I took the leap.

I am trusting that through hard work, perseverance, and stepping outside my comfort zone, I will find what’s next for me professionally. Is the timing ideal? No. But I knew I had to clear space to allow something new to enter. I am genuinely hopeful and optimistic about what lies ahead, even in a job market that many describe as brutal, surrounded by doomsday talk and relentless AI disruption.

These past six weeks have given me enough signal to know I made the right choice. Almost everyone I’ve shared my story with has responded with “Good for you!” or “That’s amazing!” (No one has said “Are you crazy?” out loud yet, though I wonder if a few thought it!).

I am more optimistic than not most days now. Hard moments still happen, and I know they always will, but I now have the internal tools and belief that things will work out. It is up to me to meet the universe (or God, or spirit or whatever you call it) halfway by taking small, intentional measures of action every day.

I can apply to jobs, reach out to my network, experiment with AI, and start working on that business I’ve been envisioning. I can also read more, take those gym classes I had avoided, sit in nature and rest and recharge, knowing there will come that day where more professional demands take up more of my time again.  The world is full of opportunity if you are willing to take action from a whole and grateful heart and see where it meets you.

I can give 10 out of 10s now, even when everything doesn’t go exactly as planned.

To close, I want to share two simple daily mantras that have helped ground me over these past few months:

1. A Morning Intentional Meditation (I often repeat this before my day begins):

Today is a beautiful day of opportunity.

You are exactly where you need to be.

I trust in the universe and the unfolding of my life.

2. A Mantra for the Inner Critic (From the practice of Ho’oponopono, which I turn to whenever the internal critic starts chirping too loudly):

I’m sorry.

Please forgive me.

Thank you.

I love you.